The mean voice, the inner critic, self flagellation?

You’re too fat, you’re too shy, you’re not good at that, you can’t do that, you’re embarrassing, you’re such an idiot, you can’t write, you’re not an artist, its your fault, you can’t draw, your will embarrass yourself, you’re so dumb, omg you shouldn’t have said that, don’t speak out, don’t speak at all, hide yourself, fit in, you don’t look like them, you should be more like them, work harder, earn more money, your crap with money, you’ll never do it, you are a bad mother, your are a bad daughter, you did this to your kids, you are not good enough, you have no personality,…….. and on and on and on.

ENOUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I decided some time ago,  not do this to myself anymore.  My mean voice would come out and give me a metaphorical whipping.  No wonder I had such a low self esteem, I think any negative comment that anyone ever said about anyone, (perhaps from my religious upbringing, conditioning, experiences, teachers, parents, school kids), I stored away and used them against myself.  Some of them became such firm beliefs.  So mean, so cruel.  Telling myself I should do this or I should be like that, always nagging.    I would make myself feel terrible, I would project it onto others saying they made me feel like this, they made me feel like that, but no one can make you feel anything, only you can do that.   So it was me making me feel like shit.

I was talking to my friend one day about a religious practice called self-flagellation.   I could not understand why they would do this, and she said to me, “that is what you do”.  I was taken aback but realised she was right.  My mean voice was me, just whipping myself over and over bringing me down.  Now when I hear my mean voice, this is image I have in my mind, and it stops it in its tracks.  

I now practice self compassion.   What does this mean?  Well how I would talk to a friend, with kindness and care, is now how I talk to myself, in that same way.  I realised that MY opinion of my life is the only one that really matters in MY life, so why was I treating myself this way.  Instead of being so mean and harsh on myself, I had the opportunity to make my life more enjoyable just by being kind to myself.

I started to notice every time the mean voice popped up and decided that I would not take it on board and react, I would just notice and let that comment fly by.

The more I noticed how often this happened, the more it came into my awareness, and the more I decided not to get hooked into the negativity, then as a result, the less often it showed up.   Now it is pretty rare that I listen to the mean voice.  If I can hear it, I catch it and then offer myself a kinder more compassionate alternative.

It has been life changing.  Being kind means I am more relaxed, non judgemental, and accepting of myself.  And life is sooooo much better. 

Perhaps you might start to notice your mean voice, no need to judge it, but just notice, and perhaps you might offer yourself a kinder more compassionate alternative.  It might be helpful to think of yourself as a friend.   Would you say that to your friend?